i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
