fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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