I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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