I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
