Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
