Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Randomize