I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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