i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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