he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
