i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
