I am midnight drunk by noon
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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