I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
