idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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