I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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