She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
