party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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