Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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