I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
