She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
