that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
