Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
