You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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