dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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