I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
