Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize