My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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