One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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