my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
