Don't make out with my wife yet
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
