she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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