I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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