I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
