I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
