I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
