That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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