I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My cat gives me a boner
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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