yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
