Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
