Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
