i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
