I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
