Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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