those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
we made out on top of his cat.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
