did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
