Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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