When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize