I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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