At least make sure they are 18
Why
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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