barbara walters just said penis...
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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