Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
