I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Can you repeat that, but with context?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
