After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize