Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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