If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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