I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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