It was confusing and full of hummus
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
there is glitter all over my balls
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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