First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
