I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
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