yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
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