"it" just moved
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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