need another drink. this is the easiest way
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
