i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
