there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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