dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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