omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
